1 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:15,080 taking the time to look round the property, we'll let you know when it 2 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:17,080 available, Mr Streeting. 3 00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:21,400 Please, call me Prime Minister. 4 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:23,940 Please call me Prime Minister. 5 00:00:24,980 --> 00:00:28,260 And will it just be yourself, or is there a Mrs Streeting? 6 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,940 Actually, I'm gay, but not gay in the fun way. 7 00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:38,100 I'm less Graham Norton gay, more Derren Brown gay. 8 00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:46,370 Well, what else can I tell you? Oh, central location, gated community and 9 00:00:46,370 --> 00:00:47,370 of storage space. 10 00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:51,990 Give me another chance to fortify more days. 11 00:00:53,550 --> 00:00:56,810 I told you, Liz Truss, you can't keep living in the cupboards. 12 00:00:57,750 --> 00:00:58,750 Right. 13 00:00:59,630 --> 00:01:02,570 I'm sorry about her. She's so weird. 14 00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:06,170 So, what do you think? 15 00:01:06,390 --> 00:01:09,390 It's an amazing property. There must be some kind of catch. 16 00:01:09,630 --> 00:01:13,790 Yeah, there is a bit of a catch. If you live here, everyone in the country is 17 00:01:13,790 --> 00:01:14,790 going to hate you. 18 00:01:15,970 --> 00:01:18,190 That's OK. I don't have any feelings. 19 00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:26,210 Not so fast, sunshine. 20 00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:30,670 Oh, that must be our next viewing, Mr... Burnham. 21 00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:33,310 Andy is my first name. 22 00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:37,090 Andy, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Manchester. 23 00:01:37,350 --> 00:01:38,630 I took the tram down. 24 00:01:41,450 --> 00:01:42,630 Tram doesn't go to London. 25 00:01:43,130 --> 00:01:45,110 Explains why it took so bloody long. 26 00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:50,010 So, this is how you lot live down here. Well, la -dee -da. 27 00:01:52,030 --> 00:01:54,630 Andy, I don't remember you being this northern. 28 00:01:55,170 --> 00:01:57,050 I don't remember you at all, Shagger. 29 00:01:58,610 --> 00:02:00,990 Point is, time for a change. 30 00:02:01,230 --> 00:02:02,270 For an outsider. 31 00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:04,250 A disruptor. 32 00:02:05,050 --> 00:02:07,090 Weren't you an MP for 16 years? 33 00:02:07,470 --> 00:02:09,470 You voted for the Iraq war. 34 00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:11,880 Oh, that was five wars ago. 35 00:02:12,740 --> 00:02:15,500 Besides, you're not exactly Mr Progressive yourself. 36 00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:19,520 I'll have you know I'm a proud member of the LGBT community. 37 00:02:20,020 --> 00:02:23,460 Lesbian, gay, bi, and texting Peter Mandelson. 38 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,480 Room for a red one. 39 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:34,860 You said you weren't interested. 40 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:37,460 I'm not. I'm just having a look. 41 00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:43,520 you reckon stamp duty is in a place like this? 42 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,160 And would I have to pay it? 43 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,040 Well, you are interested. 44 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:49,360 Well, get in line, pal. 45 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:50,920 Right. What 46 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:56,860 the 47 00:02:56,860 --> 00:03:06,360 blubbernecks 48 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:07,520 going on down here? 49 00:03:08,340 --> 00:03:10,300 What's the Eurovision up there? 50 00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,880 This is the one program I still enjoy. 51 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:20,080 Every time I turn on the news, it's just a sad picture of me. 52 00:03:21,740 --> 00:03:23,860 Eurovision's the only show left with any integrity. 53 00:03:24,220 --> 00:03:27,380 I love how they stood up to Russia after they invaded Ukraine. 54 00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:30,940 And I love the wonderful song Israel sang. 55 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:37,300 Sakhir, you're probably wondering why we're all doing here. I know why you're 56 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,720 here, Burnham. 57 00:03:39,940 --> 00:03:41,180 You want me out. 58 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:42,740 And you know what? 59 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:44,720 Maybe you're right. 60 00:03:45,620 --> 00:03:47,300 Maybe I should step down. 61 00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:51,580 Two years is pretty good going for a Prime Minister these days. 62 00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:54,780 That's like 24 knees! 63 00:03:57,180 --> 00:03:58,180 Look, 64 00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:06,760 I don't know how or if history will remember me. 65 00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:11,660 But whatever you think of me, at the end of the day, I was here. 66 00:04:13,070 --> 00:04:15,110 Was I doing a good job? 67 00:04:16,110 --> 00:04:17,110 No. 68 00:04:17,970 --> 00:04:20,690 But was I doing the best I could do? 69 00:04:21,810 --> 00:04:22,810 No. 70 00:04:23,570 --> 00:04:27,670 But when I look at all of your faces, it makes me think. 71 00:04:28,630 --> 00:04:30,210 It makes me think. 72 00:04:32,030 --> 00:04:33,030 Labby! 73 00:04:33,310 --> 00:04:36,910 Labby! Labby, will you turn that Eurovision down, please? 74 00:04:42,730 --> 00:04:43,730 And you know what? 75 00:04:45,170 --> 00:04:46,430 All of you out! 76 00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:50,850 Because as far as I know, I'm still the Prime Minister! 77 00:04:51,150 --> 00:04:54,790 And I will be for at least the next 75 minutes! 78 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:13,520 I'm Shruti Gatwa, and I am buzzed to be here hosting SNL UK. 79 00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:17,520 We're making history tonight. 80 00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:19,560 I'm the first black host. 81 00:07:20,980 --> 00:07:22,460 I'm the first queer host. 82 00:07:22,660 --> 00:07:27,260 And I'm the first openly Scottish host. 83 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,140 It's the last episode of the season, so they have to do it all in one. 84 00:07:31,620 --> 00:07:36,320 It has been very exciting to be here. When he asked me to do this show, I'll 85 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:37,320 admit I was nervous. 86 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,540 But then I realized it was maybe the only way I'd get to play my dream role. 87 00:07:42,220 --> 00:07:43,220 That's right. 88 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:48,580 Guy Goma, a .k .a. the man mistakenly interviewed on BBC News 20 years ago. 89 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:56,160 So what does all this mean for the industry and the growth of music online? 90 00:07:56,520 --> 00:08:01,520 Well, Guy Cooney is the editor of the technology website News Wireless. 91 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,240 Hello, good morning to you. 92 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:18,920 fantastic roles in my career millions of you watched me as eric in sex education 93 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:25,720 and then about 12 of you watched me in doctor who hey maybe 94 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:32,100 that's why i kept crying joking aside it was genuinely a magical role in fact it 95 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:36,740 was the first time my parents were truly proud of my career when i told them i 96 00:08:36,740 --> 00:08:39,980 got the part they said finally a doctor in the family 97 00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:45,830 Since regenerated into Billy Piper, I don't understand it either. 98 00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:51,210 I still love Doctor Who and I got to meet so many crazy characters. 99 00:08:51,750 --> 00:08:53,170 Sort of a bit like this place. 100 00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:57,250 Yes, I have had an amazing week here getting stuck into things. 101 00:08:57,690 --> 00:09:00,090 In fact, it's allowed me to dust off a few old skills. 102 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,450 For instance, did you know I used to be a go -go dancer? 103 00:09:03,990 --> 00:09:04,990 That's right. 104 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:09,160 I went from shaking these gloves to the stage at Shakespeare's Globe. I am a 105 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,760 proper theatre actor. 106 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:14,020 That's why tonight I'd really like to show you my hamlet. 107 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,640 Okay, so you'll be needing this then. 108 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:17,480 Amy Lewis! 109 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,060 What are you doing here? 110 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,740 Hi! I'm working now. 111 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,860 Yeah, I just do a little bit of everything. 112 00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,100 Oh, my God. 113 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,800 Do you know, I thought I saw you with the caterers. Yes, yes, I made that 114 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,800 lasagna that served 200 people. 115 00:09:33,820 --> 00:09:34,820 Very good. 116 00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:38,260 I'm just in my monologue now. Do you mind if I get back to my Shakespeare? 117 00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:40,620 Sorry, sorry, of course. You've got this. I love you. 118 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:49,260 Anyway, as I was saying, I am a classically trained actor, and so I 119 00:09:49,260 --> 00:09:50,560 time I get my soliloquy out. 120 00:09:54,460 --> 00:10:00,340 To be or not to be, that is the question! 121 00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:23,540 Why are you down there? 122 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:25,540 Impossible. 123 00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:27,640 Hey, please do that. 124 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,700 We are Birds of Prey. 125 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,060 We're basically delivery for gospel choirs. 126 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:40,120 Every Sunday I would watch the choir move people into giving up their 127 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,640 life savings. And I just thought to myself, I can do that. 128 00:10:42,860 --> 00:10:44,780 Yes, the numbers make sense. Lawrence. 129 00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:46,700 Yeah. I'm on the phone. 130 00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:50,820 Sorry. We found the perfect iteration of gospel that... 131 00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:54,820 won't send the white into a panic. So previously, it was something along the 132 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:55,579 lines of this. 133 00:10:55,580 --> 00:10:58,900 So... We don't do that anymore. 134 00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,080 It's much more gentle, so it's more... 135 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:09,000 White guilt is quite lucrative. 136 00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:13,060 We've done all the X -Factor finals, we've done Ant and Dec, Saturday Night 137 00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:16,840 Takeaway. Essentially anything that makes Stephen Mulhern look more soulful. 138 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:20,910 But it was Abby and Megan's wedding that changed everything for us. 139 00:11:25,030 --> 00:11:29,590 Caucasian institutions quickly realized what a little praise and worship can do. 140 00:11:29,870 --> 00:11:32,810 Our bank got done for discriminatory lending against the black community. 141 00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:37,110 But birds of praise came in and sang lean on me. And by Monday, everyone had 142 00:11:37,110 --> 00:11:37,849 moved on. 143 00:11:37,850 --> 00:11:39,750 We've also started doing white gospel. 144 00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:41,850 We need Caucasian songs. 145 00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:44,450 This is your culture. 146 00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:46,150 Any song by Coldplay. 147 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,760 No. Phil Collins, he's black. 148 00:11:54,500 --> 00:12:01,340 Come on, Ali. 149 00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:02,540 Come on, Ali. 150 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,600 Come on, Ali. 151 00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:04,599 Come on, Ali. 152 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:09,560 There are very few problems that you can't throw a gospel choir at. Having 153 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:14,540 of prey sing amongst hundreds and hundreds of stolen artefacts essentially 154 00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:16,470 says... It's okay. 155 00:12:17,890 --> 00:12:18,889 It's good. 156 00:12:18,890 --> 00:12:19,890 We've done this. 157 00:12:20,390 --> 00:12:21,390 It's good. 158 00:12:23,230 --> 00:12:25,470 And then 2020 came around. 159 00:12:27,510 --> 00:12:28,510 What is this? 160 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:31,510 The black squares almost finished off us. 161 00:12:32,030 --> 00:12:33,170 This is an end it. 162 00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:35,250 Oh! 163 00:12:36,210 --> 00:12:37,210 Okay. 164 00:12:37,510 --> 00:12:39,530 God. It was a dark time for everyone. 165 00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:41,630 It was Dua Lipa's year for sure. 166 00:12:42,730 --> 00:12:47,040 Then... Trump came back on the scene. It'll get better. 167 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:48,480 He won. 168 00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:51,460 Better. That's in business. 169 00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:53,120 Racism through. 170 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:56,660 And business has been booming. 171 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:03,040 Stop the war. 172 00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:06,400 Yay. Whoa. 173 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,600 Sorry. 174 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:22,780 beautiful day on the island of Sodor, but Henry was not feeling like himself. 175 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,680 Cheer up, Henry, said Thomas. 176 00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:31,220 Sorry, Thomas, my lovely paint doesn't feel so shiny today, said Henry. 177 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:37,780 Oh, look, here comes the owner of the railway, Sir Topham Hatt. I wonder if he 178 00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:39,060 can cheer Henry up. 179 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,980 Morning, Thomas. Morning, Henry. 180 00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:45,100 Morning, Fat Controller. 181 00:13:47,690 --> 00:13:48,690 Stop the music. 182 00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:52,310 Sorry, what? 183 00:13:53,190 --> 00:13:55,610 Morning. No, no, no. What did you say? Morning what? 184 00:13:55,970 --> 00:13:56,970 Fat Controller. 185 00:13:57,510 --> 00:13:59,630 It's just a nickname that we've all been using. 186 00:14:00,950 --> 00:14:03,930 You've all been calling me the Fat Controller behind my back. 187 00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:05,170 Don't you like it? 188 00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:07,230 No, obviously I don't like it. What the hell is wrong with you? 189 00:14:07,690 --> 00:14:09,130 Said the Fat Controller. 190 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:12,750 Very sweatily and out of breath. 191 00:14:12,970 --> 00:14:13,609 Oh, shit. 192 00:14:13,610 --> 00:14:16,190 Here he comes, chiming in. You as well, is it, Ringo? 193 00:14:16,470 --> 00:14:17,359 I mean... 194 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:18,860 my actual name, Sir Topham Hatt. 195 00:14:19,340 --> 00:14:24,040 Well, that is a bit of a silly name, but... Oh, is that a silly name, Ringo 196 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:28,340 Starr? Calm down, Topham. That's Sir Topham to you. What did you get knighted 197 00:14:28,340 --> 00:14:29,340 for again? 198 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:35,060 It was, uh, services to the food industry. It makes sense. Oh, yes, yes, 199 00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:35,819 right, yes. 200 00:14:35,820 --> 00:14:39,260 Laugh it up. The guy who runs a train station on his own, by the way, 201 00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:40,560 occasionally likes a treat. 202 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,160 Occasionally? You know what? 203 00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:45,100 Perhaps you shouldn't get your breakfast from the West Cornwall Pasty Company 204 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,100 every morning. 205 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:50,240 Well, actually, I've got a thyroid issue, and I've got a note from my 206 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,020 prove it, so what do you think of that, eh? 207 00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:54,060 That's a Burger King wrap -up. 208 00:14:55,940 --> 00:15:00,080 You know, I think Fat Controller is a very nice nickname. 209 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,140 It shows that you're in control. Exactly. 210 00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:06,410 Yeah, funnily enough, it's not the controller part I've got an issue with. 211 00:15:07,450 --> 00:15:10,530 Did you learn nothing from that respect in the workplace seminar that we all sat 212 00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:14,350 through? We learnt that Gordon wants to be referred to by he, they pronouns. 213 00:15:14,650 --> 00:15:15,609 Aw, good for them. 214 00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:18,810 Yeah, it's good for them, but my point is, name -calling is exactly the kind of 215 00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:22,370 workplace bullying that makes people go off the rails. Hey, that is not right. 216 00:15:22,550 --> 00:15:24,970 What? We don't really say that sort of thing. 217 00:15:25,310 --> 00:15:26,310 Off the rails. 218 00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:28,290 It's anti -train language. 219 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:29,819 Peace and love. 220 00:15:29,820 --> 00:15:30,900 Peace and love. 221 00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:34,180 Yeah, peace and love. Okay, yeah. Peace and love right here for you, Ringo. How 222 00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:35,180 about that? Peace and love. 223 00:15:35,940 --> 00:15:37,420 Oh. Oh, controller. 224 00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:38,860 No, I didn't. Oh. 225 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,940 Well, that's going to end up in the village newsletter. 226 00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:45,520 You know what? I don't even know why I bother with this. 227 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,820 Yeah, here's me coming in with a tin of paint to give you a fresh lick, make you 228 00:15:48,820 --> 00:15:51,620 feel good about yourself, because I heard you weren't feeling great, right? 229 00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:52,780 do I get? A knife in the back. 230 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,400 You know, excuse me for caring. I guess that's my problem. I care too much. I 231 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,000 don't think that's your main problem. 232 00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:01,700 Great, thank you. Sir Topham, maybe if you walked more and stopped riding us to 233 00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:03,260 get around all the time, you wouldn't be overweight. 234 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,680 Right, that's me gone. If I don't come in tomorrow, I've Topham's myself, all 235 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:07,680 right? Good riddance. 236 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:13,020 The Fat Controller waddled off obesely in a big fat huff. 237 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:18,320 For the record, by the way, fiend trains are a thing of the past, all right? 238 00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:21,900 You're nothing more than a hobby for weird kids and pedos, so enjoy that, all 239 00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:25,240 right? I want to stick around here just to be laughed at, okay? Whoa! 240 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:35,300 We are sorry to announce that your 3 .30 train to Sodor Town Centre is delayed 241 00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:41,380 due to what appears to be a very, very fat man wearing a top hat stuck on the 242 00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:43,460 track. Hello, old friend. 243 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:21,960 I'm Louis Theroux, a bespectacled documentarian who makes documentaries 244 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:25,740 difficult subjects like cults, prisons, and Ann Widdicombe. 245 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:32,300 I've had tapas with the Tiger King and done karaoke with the KKK, everything a 246 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:33,300 boy could dream of. 247 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:38,040 But there's always been one person I've wanted to interview, and of all the 248 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,980 places I was to meet him, in a travel lodge in Bromsgrove. 249 00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:44,220 This is looking through the mirror. 250 00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:54,549 Hi, Louis. 251 00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:56,170 Firstly, can I call you Louis? 252 00:17:56,990 --> 00:17:58,070 You can call me Louis. 253 00:17:58,310 --> 00:18:02,830 Yeah, yeah. Is that all right, Louis? Can I call you Louis? Louis, how are 254 00:18:02,910 --> 00:18:04,130 Are you finding this awkward? 255 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:08,970 I'm good, yeah, yeah. This isn't about me. How are you? Are you all right? Is 256 00:18:08,970 --> 00:18:09,970 that fair to say? 257 00:18:10,870 --> 00:18:14,490 I'm good, I'm good. But this isn't about me. This is about you, Louis Theroux. 258 00:18:14,990 --> 00:18:16,110 Should we get started? 259 00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,130 Yeah, that's right. Should we get started? 260 00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:21,670 Louis and I seem to be bonding. 261 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:25,580 I wanted to make sure I wasn't getting the wrong impression, so I decided to 262 00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:26,580 more. 263 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:32,380 So, Louis, you always seem to be, look at other weird people and not at your 264 00:18:32,380 --> 00:18:33,339 weird self. 265 00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:34,340 Did that get old? 266 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,700 Do you think I'm getting old? Can I say that? Is that fair to say? 267 00:18:39,940 --> 00:18:41,940 This is starting to feel like a bit of a weird weekend. 268 00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:44,620 Is that fair to say? Should we get started? 269 00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:46,880 I'd like to. Should we get started? 270 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,240 I thought we were going to get started. 271 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:50,460 Have you backtracked already? 272 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:55,950 I was getting the sense that Louis was getting so tired of my questions. 273 00:18:57,210 --> 00:19:01,410 So, Louis, would you describe yourself as a self -reflective person? 274 00:19:02,650 --> 00:19:03,830 Should I answer that? 275 00:19:05,390 --> 00:19:06,950 Is this a bit awkward now? 276 00:19:07,710 --> 00:19:08,810 Yeah. Yeah. 277 00:19:09,430 --> 00:19:10,470 Should we get started? 278 00:19:10,710 --> 00:19:11,710 Yeah. 279 00:19:13,130 --> 00:19:16,970 Even though we were clearly disassociating, I felt hopeful that we 280 00:19:16,970 --> 00:19:17,869 get started. 281 00:19:17,870 --> 00:19:19,790 But my eye was caught by the other mirror. 282 00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:21,730 Bye, Louis. 283 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,450 Louie. Hello, Louie. Should we get started? 284 00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:28,590 Yeah, hi, Louie. Should we get started? 285 00:19:29,190 --> 00:19:30,690 Yes. Should we get started? 286 00:19:30,950 --> 00:19:31,950 Yeah. 287 00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:38,570 It was then I realized there was more to me than just the awkward Louie people 288 00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:39,570 see on television. 289 00:19:39,670 --> 00:19:42,770 I contained multitudes of Louie, and they were all awkward. 290 00:19:43,050 --> 00:19:44,530 Awkward. Oh, really? 291 00:19:45,690 --> 00:19:49,550 So were all these, all the parts of Louie Theroux which combined to complete 292 00:19:49,550 --> 00:19:51,410 whole Louie Theroux? Can I say that? 293 00:19:52,970 --> 00:19:56,470 We all individually Louis Theroux, but also Louis Theroux. Really? 294 00:19:56,730 --> 00:20:00,210 Really? Can I say that? Can you say that? Remember when we met those 295 00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:01,310 Yeah. Can I say that? 296 00:20:02,310 --> 00:20:04,830 It was in that moment we had a noise complaint. 297 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,320 Sorry to be a bother, but you're actually being quite loud. 298 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,240 Is that fair to say? 299 00:20:32,540 --> 00:20:35,340 Oh, gosh. Is that right? We're being quite loud. 300 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:36,600 Is that fair to say? 301 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,920 Is that fair to say? Is that fair to say? Is that fair to say? 302 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,940 I learned a lot on my trip to the Catalog. 303 00:20:43,220 --> 00:20:47,220 It was the course of the weekend, and who isn't like what many stories and 304 00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:50,120 saliva? Yes, we had a four -way tongue kiss. 305 00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:53,520 I was too bashful to ask for a session for water. 306 00:20:53,930 --> 00:20:58,210 So I ravaged my way through those tiny UHC milks, and I heard all eight of my 307 00:20:58,210 --> 00:20:59,450 thumbs opening the packets. 308 00:20:59,830 --> 00:21:00,829 Is it me? 309 00:21:00,830 --> 00:21:01,830 Is that right? 310 00:21:02,030 --> 00:21:03,210 Is that fair to say? 311 00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:08,810 Hey, Louis, want to try the trouser press? 312 00:21:09,470 --> 00:21:10,470 Shall we get started? 313 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:41,680 My name's Ray Tranter. I was a coal miner at Brunswick Colliery in 314 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:42,680 Nottinghamshire. 315 00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:48,140 It was quite a normal morning, to be honest with you. The first thing we knew 316 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:51,100 anything was wrong was the smell. 317 00:21:51,420 --> 00:21:55,240 It smelled like sulphur, like death. 318 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,620 Then we heard the screams. 319 00:21:57,940 --> 00:22:04,560 So we run round the corner and that's when we saw it, like. 320 00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:17,260 It became apparent that the man had broken through a wall on the ground and 321 00:22:17,260 --> 00:22:18,920 awoken something. 322 00:22:20,620 --> 00:22:21,620 An entity. 323 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:31,680 They were a young lad, Jack, from Long Eaton. 324 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:33,660 That's grabbed him. 325 00:22:35,260 --> 00:22:37,100 Just pulling his arms off. 326 00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:43,020 They were deployed to throw a perimeter around the mine. I was a desert storm. 327 00:22:43,180 --> 00:22:44,260 I've seen all sorts. 328 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:46,480 I've seen nothing like that. 329 00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:53,160 The creature was unstoppable. 330 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:55,160 I kept going. 331 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:57,800 Blobby. Blobby. 332 00:22:58,480 --> 00:22:59,560 Blobby, blobby, blobby! 333 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:06,280 We all made a break for it. 334 00:23:06,540 --> 00:23:07,840 Get back to the lift. 335 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,260 But that bastard followed us all the way out. 336 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,240 And all of a sudden, it just stopped. 337 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:25,680 It was a complete coincidence. I happened to be in one of the segments in 338 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:31,800 which we had tricked Roy Keane into 339 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,820 berating a Chinese takeaway owner. 340 00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:37,680 That's when I heard the commotion in Ireland. 341 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,220 I ran round the corner and there he was. 342 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:52,060 We can't be certain whether it's something in Noel's pheromone signature 343 00:23:52,060 --> 00:23:55,480 Blobby responds to, or whether there is a sexual aspect. 344 00:23:56,940 --> 00:24:01,860 Well, reconnaissance ascertains that there were, in fact, multiple entities 345 00:24:01,860 --> 00:24:03,720 concealed in the room. 346 00:24:04,820 --> 00:24:06,020 One thing was clear. 347 00:24:06,540 --> 00:24:07,860 The mind had to be healed. 348 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:09,640 Immediately. 349 00:24:10,580 --> 00:24:16,500 Mrs. Thatcher ate the pill for all of us. It killed her. What her party did to 350 00:24:16,500 --> 00:24:17,660 her beloved miners. 351 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,000 Blobby as an ass and bone made flesh. 352 00:24:23,940 --> 00:24:28,860 What keeps me up at night is what happens when Edmunds cops it. 353 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,000 I've seen what one of them can do. 354 00:24:32,820 --> 00:24:34,860 And there's millions of them down there. 355 00:24:56,170 --> 00:24:58,270 gentlemen, Holly Humberstone. 356 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:39,560 It all breaks down. It always does. It all works out. It always does. 357 00:26:35,390 --> 00:26:41,090 And you feel too much. You fed it all on a summer crush. It all breaks down. It 358 00:26:41,090 --> 00:26:42,009 always does. 359 00:26:42,010 --> 00:26:46,470 It all looks out. It always does. And you wear his t -shirt. You hate his 360 00:26:46,650 --> 00:26:50,890 You read the handbook. You take the truck. You said, from here on out, it's 361 00:26:50,890 --> 00:26:54,750 tough. It always was. It always was. Corrupt somebody. 362 00:26:55,690 --> 00:26:56,970 Dead somebody. 363 00:26:57,930 --> 00:26:59,190 Blue somebody. 364 00:27:34,740 --> 00:27:36,040 It all breaks down. 365 00:29:02,830 --> 00:29:05,970 Welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Paddy Young. And I'm Anya Magliano. 366 00:29:08,810 --> 00:29:12,050 We start with some breaking news from the Labour Party. 367 00:29:12,650 --> 00:29:17,330 West Streeting has just confirmed that if there is a leadership contest, he 368 00:29:17,330 --> 00:29:22,290 challenge Keir Starmer. And now we've had reports from inside Westminster that 369 00:29:22,290 --> 00:29:25,490 West Streeting could be right on the verge of hitting puberty. 370 00:29:26,410 --> 00:29:28,270 More on those balls as they drop. 371 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:34,320 Earlier this week, Keir Starmer, seen here... Hang on, sorry, which one is he? 372 00:29:36,780 --> 00:29:37,780 Thank you. 373 00:29:38,180 --> 00:29:42,060 Earlier this week, Starmer met with Wes Streeting at Number 10. 374 00:29:42,460 --> 00:29:46,820 Starmer's allies insisted the meeting was just two men having a coffee. 375 00:29:48,500 --> 00:29:55,360 Oh, my God, they're fucking... Streeting and Starmer's meeting lasted only 16 376 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,520 minutes. A disappointment for Wes. 377 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,800 who'd met with himself before he left the house in the hope he'd last longer. 378 00:30:02,140 --> 00:30:05,720 There's now a real chance Wes Streeting might become the Prime Minister. 379 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:07,940 Truly, the worm has turned. 380 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,460 And I'm not calling Wes a worm because I don't respect his policies. 381 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,620 I'm calling him a worm because he looks like a worm. 382 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:21,620 Members of Reform UK have expressed worries that Wes Streeting is a friend 383 00:30:21,620 --> 00:30:25,060 Mandelson. Sorry, it's 2026, just say gay. 384 00:30:28,110 --> 00:30:32,010 Another potential challenger for the leadership is Andy Burnham, whose key 385 00:30:32,010 --> 00:30:35,530 policy difference to streeting is that his hair goes in the other direction. 386 00:30:37,590 --> 00:30:41,170 And what about the other parties? Let's turn now to the Lib Dems. 387 00:30:41,570 --> 00:30:43,570 Now let's turn away from the Lib Dems. 388 00:30:45,190 --> 00:30:50,550 The former deputy prime minister, Angela Rayner, is also in the mix and could 389 00:30:50,550 --> 00:30:54,950 make history as the first female red -headed prime minister who doesn't 390 00:30:54,950 --> 00:30:56,550 understand tax. Sorry, I'm welling. 391 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:05,000 Thicky Wrangler and Luton's angriest twink, Tommy Robinson, led the Unite the 392 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,420 Kingdom march in London today. 393 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:10,040 The Met Police said they had deployed over 4 ,000 officers. 394 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:11,900 Luckily, they were going to go anyway. 395 00:31:14,340 --> 00:31:15,540 No, no, no. 396 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:21,580 It was actually quite a diverse crowd. 397 00:31:21,860 --> 00:31:26,500 There were 20 ,000 bald men, 40 ,000 XL bullies, and one mini -bully. 398 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:33,020 My facial recognition technology was used by the police for the first time at 399 00:31:33,020 --> 00:31:33,699 the protest. 400 00:31:33,700 --> 00:31:38,400 It's a huge breakthrough, proving the technology is finally advanced enough to 401 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:39,400 work on munters. 402 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:46,200 A recent report has found that progress on gender equality at the top of 403 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:51,020 Britain's biggest businesses remains achingly slow, with still only nine 404 00:31:51,020 --> 00:31:52,140 bosses in the footsie 100. 405 00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:54,700 Here to comment is the woman who can't be ignored! 406 00:32:01,350 --> 00:32:04,930 Time to focus. Don't look away. Focus. Now, that's good. That's very good. 407 00:32:05,990 --> 00:32:06,990 What was your name again? 408 00:32:08,010 --> 00:32:10,490 Jenny Heselbo Ahuga. 409 00:32:11,910 --> 00:32:15,750 Jenny, how is it that in 2026 we still have so few female CEOs? 410 00:32:16,130 --> 00:32:18,450 Well, I tell you whose fault it is. The women. 411 00:32:18,830 --> 00:32:19,830 Wait for it. 412 00:32:20,230 --> 00:32:21,230 I'm joking. 413 00:32:22,450 --> 00:32:24,270 The problem is structural. 414 00:32:24,690 --> 00:32:26,090 And I'm coming like a... 415 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,660 Do you have any tips for a woman going into a job interview for a high -up 416 00:32:32,660 --> 00:32:36,960 position? God, yeah. Now, when you arrive at the interview, you say very 417 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:38,420 I drove here. 418 00:32:41,820 --> 00:32:43,540 Now, give me this job. 419 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:45,900 Are you in the leadership role yourself? 420 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:50,980 Of course I am. I slept my way to the top. And by that, I mean I nap and I'm 421 00:32:50,980 --> 00:32:51,980 gifted. 422 00:32:52,300 --> 00:32:54,280 Dream a little dream of me. 423 00:32:55,740 --> 00:32:57,920 And what line of work is that? 424 00:32:58,669 --> 00:33:01,530 Advertising. Remember the slogan, Red Bull gives you wings? 425 00:33:01,830 --> 00:33:03,850 I punished the guy who came up with that. 426 00:33:04,730 --> 00:33:07,130 Now, he was great in bed, but he played me for a fool. 427 00:33:07,570 --> 00:33:11,550 He's got three kids and lives in Teddington now, of course. Hey, I'm ma 428 00:33:13,690 --> 00:33:16,230 Jenny, I'm so jealous of your confidence. 429 00:33:16,430 --> 00:33:17,430 Oh, yeah? Are you jealous? 430 00:33:18,310 --> 00:33:23,150 Yeah. Well, if you're that jealous, why not ask me out for a drink? 431 00:33:23,370 --> 00:33:25,310 Why not ask me to be your girlfriend? 432 00:33:25,570 --> 00:33:26,890 Try it. See what I say. 433 00:33:27,710 --> 00:33:29,430 I don't know, it seems a little forward. 434 00:33:29,630 --> 00:33:32,970 Well, as I always say to every person I ever meet, you're lost. 435 00:33:33,230 --> 00:33:35,050 She will be loved. 436 00:33:36,410 --> 00:33:37,289 Okay, fine. 437 00:33:37,290 --> 00:33:39,210 I can't ignore you, Jenny. Want to get a drink sometime? 438 00:33:39,530 --> 00:33:43,890 Ah, yes. Well, let me check. With my husband, I'm married, you bellend. 439 00:33:45,370 --> 00:33:49,090 I'm a woman in a female leadership position. Someone put a ring on this 440 00:33:49,090 --> 00:33:50,190 impressive art years ago. 441 00:33:50,470 --> 00:33:51,470 Wow! 442 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:07,400 has set up a website promoting safe routes for women running alone. 443 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:11,300 As we know, running alone is one of the most dangerous things you can do as a 444 00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:14,960 woman, apart from walking alone, travelling alone, dining alone, sleeping 445 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:16,340 living alone and living with a partner. 446 00:34:18,179 --> 00:34:22,800 The Royal Navy has been forced to redesign a uniform after complaints that 447 00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:24,600 of the buttons are in the same place as nipples. 448 00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:29,780 The uniform is here being worn by Princess Anne and the buttons chart the 449 00:34:29,780 --> 00:34:32,000 progression downwards of her nipples throughout the year. 450 00:34:34,860 --> 00:34:39,060 A U .S. member of Congress has suggested that a strange object filmed hovering 451 00:34:39,060 --> 00:34:43,300 over a military base in the Middle East could in fact have been an angel. 452 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,340 Impossible. I've never been to the Middle East. 453 00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:55,639 Now, this week was the centenary of the legendary comedian Eric Morkham. 454 00:34:56,659 --> 00:35:01,740 Yeah, he's a personal hero of mine, and I'd like to take this opportunity to 455 00:35:01,740 --> 00:35:02,980 deliver this tribute to him. 456 00:35:18,140 --> 00:35:25,040 B -T -S -K -P -O -B -L -E -S -H -E -R -I -C -H -E -R 457 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:31,960 -I -C -H -E -R -I -C 458 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:33,400 -H 459 00:35:38,220 --> 00:35:39,220 Thank you, Eric. 460 00:35:39,620 --> 00:35:40,680 Rest in power. 461 00:35:42,240 --> 00:35:43,240 Anya? 462 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:46,100 Yeah, okay. 463 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:50,000 Tonight, 464 00:35:51,460 --> 00:35:56,460 that's what that was. Tonight is the grand final of the Eurovision Song 465 00:35:57,540 --> 00:36:00,180 And the vote is happening live, right now. 466 00:36:00,460 --> 00:36:02,960 Here to explain the Eurovision scoring, what? 467 00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,280 Here to explain how Eurovision, I'm still thinking about the beatboxing. 468 00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:11,960 how the Eurovision scoring works, we can now go live to one of the judges. 469 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:13,400 Hello! 470 00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:21,260 Hello from Europe! 471 00:36:22,740 --> 00:36:25,440 Oh wow, hi! Sorry, which country are you from? 472 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:46,760 Four points for how hot you look in a denim. Very nice. And then take away two 473 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:48,320 points if you've done a genocide. 474 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:51,740 Naughty, naughty. Slap on the wrist. 475 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,200 And then we all drink orange wine together and Caesar. 476 00:36:57,860 --> 00:37:01,540 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds clear to me. So did you like the UK entry? 477 00:37:07,420 --> 00:37:11,420 Yes, yes. I hated it very much so. Yes, yes, yes. Anyway. 478 00:37:11,660 --> 00:37:15,000 I'm off to make sex now with the drummer from Lithuania. Bye! 479 00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:17,300 Al Nash is himself, everyone! 480 00:37:21,580 --> 00:37:28,480 An Amazon delivery driver caught on a doorbell camera taking a cat from a 481 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:32,860 in Yorkshire has claimed he did not know it had an owner. The cat was returned 482 00:37:32,860 --> 00:37:36,580 the following day by every who rang the bell once and then booted it over the 483 00:37:36,580 --> 00:37:37,580 wall. 484 00:37:40,270 --> 00:37:44,410 A women's only mental health crisis centre is set to open in Swindon next 485 00:37:44,710 --> 00:37:48,910 For those of you who don't know, a women's only mental health crisis centre 486 00:37:48,910 --> 00:37:51,150 more commonly referred to as Oliver Bonas. 487 00:37:53,430 --> 00:37:57,650 In Halifax, a strong man has become the first person in the world to pull a car 488 00:37:57,650 --> 00:37:59,110 with his penis while on fire. 489 00:38:00,110 --> 00:38:04,050 Although sadly, he lost the biggest battle, custody of his children. 490 00:38:05,870 --> 00:38:09,090 New artworks placed outside a church in Somerset. 491 00:38:09,310 --> 00:38:12,890 have been described by locals as looking like giant sex toys. 492 00:38:13,270 --> 00:38:16,870 I mean, they really do. I have that one at home, the one in the coat. 493 00:38:19,530 --> 00:38:24,090 The cost of living crisis looks set to worsen. To discuss some tips and tricks 494 00:38:24,090 --> 00:38:26,970 on managing your personal finances, Ayoade Mamboye! 495 00:38:31,930 --> 00:38:32,930 Let's get into it. 496 00:38:33,090 --> 00:38:36,570 Money tip one. Remember, debt is just a number. 497 00:38:36,910 --> 00:38:37,910 £34 ,000. 498 00:38:38,490 --> 00:38:39,490 Those are just numbers. 499 00:38:40,150 --> 00:38:41,950 HMRC. Those are just letters. 500 00:38:42,970 --> 00:38:43,970 That's why I'm not opening. 501 00:38:44,830 --> 00:38:45,830 What does it mean? 502 00:38:46,330 --> 00:38:48,810 I think it means you owe HMRC 34 grand. 503 00:38:49,390 --> 00:38:52,130 Paddy, when you speak, I get a migraine in my spine. 504 00:38:53,710 --> 00:38:54,710 92. 505 00:38:55,530 --> 00:38:58,330 If you have debt, remember, it's not always your fault. 506 00:38:58,750 --> 00:39:00,470 Sorry, whose fault is it? Lily Allen. 507 00:39:00,690 --> 00:39:04,830 So Lily Allen lived as a black woman from the years 2011 to 2014. 508 00:39:06,510 --> 00:39:09,430 Once you rejoin the white community, UK borrowing costs shut off. 509 00:39:10,730 --> 00:39:13,430 Coincidence? That does sound like a coincidence, yeah. 510 00:39:13,730 --> 00:39:16,890 Paddy, understand that when you talk, my nipples become concave. 511 00:39:17,270 --> 00:39:18,270 Please! 512 00:39:19,610 --> 00:39:21,790 Please! Mummy tip three. 513 00:39:22,330 --> 00:39:26,730 Find a man with an old money name, like Jasper, Richard or Tarquin. Then you 514 00:39:26,730 --> 00:39:28,630 break into his house and you take all of his things. 515 00:39:28,990 --> 00:39:32,750 His tapestries, his fabric jays, his children, and you sell them on Facebook 516 00:39:32,750 --> 00:39:35,830 Marketplace. You deserve to have a nice life. 517 00:39:36,330 --> 00:39:37,730 This is terrible advice. 518 00:39:38,030 --> 00:39:38,868 Oh, yeah? 519 00:39:38,870 --> 00:39:40,090 It's like an opinion. 520 00:39:40,430 --> 00:39:41,430 From an expert. 521 00:39:41,610 --> 00:39:42,830 Martin, where are you? 522 00:39:43,610 --> 00:39:44,670 Oh, my God! 523 00:39:45,430 --> 00:39:47,890 It's Martin Lewis, but he says an expert! 524 00:39:51,790 --> 00:39:54,370 Your heart is in the right place. 525 00:39:55,090 --> 00:39:57,090 But I can't condone this advice. 526 00:39:58,010 --> 00:40:02,570 You should not sell children on Facebook Marketplace. 527 00:40:03,470 --> 00:40:05,190 Vinted is way more lucrative. 528 00:40:17,610 --> 00:40:18,610 Action! 529 00:40:56,780 --> 00:41:01,560 Great to meet you. I'm the new producer. I just want to say I'm so excited about 530 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:05,940 this new James Bond. I think you've made an excellent casting choice. Yes, Judy 531 00:41:05,940 --> 00:41:07,080 Gatois is incredible. 532 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:12,180 And I'm just so happy we finally get a black James Bond. It's been a long time 533 00:41:12,180 --> 00:41:16,140 coming. And that is exactly what we have here, a black James Bond. 534 00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:17,800 Technically. 535 00:41:18,540 --> 00:41:19,540 Technically? 536 00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:22,440 Sorry, 537 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:25,180 what's this? 538 00:41:26,650 --> 00:41:31,730 I'll explain. You, Chuti Gatwa, are the new James Bond, but obviously we want to 539 00:41:31,730 --> 00:41:35,590 avoid any backlash around that, so we found a loophole in society. 540 00:41:36,090 --> 00:41:37,090 A loophole? Yes. 541 00:41:37,290 --> 00:41:42,170 Cynthia Erivo's character in Wicked taught us that audiences are happy to 542 00:41:42,170 --> 00:41:45,730 black lead in a major blockbuster as long as they're painted green. 543 00:41:46,850 --> 00:41:51,570 Oh, um, like Zoe Saldana's character in Guardians of the Galaxy. She was green. 544 00:41:51,590 --> 00:41:52,690 She was green, exactly. 545 00:41:53,010 --> 00:41:54,530 But I'm not just green. 546 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:56,160 Am I? I'm Shrek. 547 00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:57,360 Yes. 548 00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:59,660 Yes, the most beloved green of them all. 549 00:42:00,500 --> 00:42:01,439 Is he? 550 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,140 Yeah, think about what Shrek is. 551 00:42:03,340 --> 00:42:07,980 He's an outsider that refuses to assimilate, steals a royal, and marries 552 00:42:08,020 --> 00:42:09,460 He's basically Meghan Markle. 553 00:42:10,220 --> 00:42:12,640 But everyone still loves him. 554 00:42:12,900 --> 00:42:13,879 I guess. 555 00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:14,819 Trust me. 556 00:42:14,820 --> 00:42:17,160 Let's give it a go, shall we? All right, quiet on set. 557 00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:19,160 And action. 558 00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:23,840 Martin. 559 00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:25,780 Shaken, not stirred. 560 00:42:26,060 --> 00:42:32,100 Cut! Okay, love that, love that, love that. My only note is way more Shrek. 561 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,260 But I thought I was James Bond. 562 00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:41,040 Yes, and no, you're on Shitty Gato who's playing Shrek, who's playing the new 563 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:46,260 James Bond. It's all very logical. It should be like, Martini, shaken, not 564 00:42:46,260 --> 00:42:47,260 stirred. 565 00:42:49,390 --> 00:42:52,790 Shake and not stir. No, no, let's try... Martini! 566 00:42:53,210 --> 00:42:54,830 Shake and not stir! 567 00:42:55,630 --> 00:42:57,950 Better out than in, I always say. 568 00:42:59,210 --> 00:43:01,490 Martini! Shake and not stir! 569 00:43:02,350 --> 00:43:04,390 Better out than in, I always say. 570 00:43:08,670 --> 00:43:11,150 Do you care about being the first black checker? 571 00:43:12,210 --> 00:43:14,050 Because it doesn't seem like you care? 572 00:43:14,930 --> 00:43:18,390 Let's try... What are you doing in my casino? 573 00:43:19,660 --> 00:43:21,560 What are you doing in my casino? 574 00:43:22,220 --> 00:43:25,740 Stay with me here. People are in your casino and you're asking them, what are 575 00:43:25,740 --> 00:43:26,980 you doing in my casino? 576 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,260 What are you doing in my casino? 577 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:34,820 Kurt, you're not getting it. Because it doesn't make sense to put Shrek in the 578 00:43:34,820 --> 00:43:35,860 James Bond world. 579 00:43:36,100 --> 00:43:41,000 You're not just putting Shrek in the James Bond world. Bring in M, the head 580 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:42,000 MI6. 581 00:43:45,100 --> 00:43:47,480 I've got a new assignment for you, 007. 582 00:43:53,710 --> 00:43:56,370 We believe he's a puppet for a much larger operation. 583 00:44:02,050 --> 00:44:04,430 I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. 584 00:44:05,150 --> 00:44:07,570 I'm here to take you down, Mr. Bond. 585 00:44:07,790 --> 00:44:11,450 With my Spanish boots, we're in touch. 586 00:44:12,550 --> 00:44:13,408 Now, now. 587 00:44:13,410 --> 00:44:14,410 Por favor. 588 00:44:15,370 --> 00:44:16,530 Now we're cooking. 589 00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:25,780 Don't do the voice. 590 00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:27,500 Really sorry, man. 591 00:44:27,860 --> 00:44:30,680 This gadget makes waft. Right, I quit. 592 00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:35,560 If this is what it takes to be the first black James Bond, then I'm out. 593 00:44:37,460 --> 00:44:38,460 Shit. 594 00:44:39,060 --> 00:44:40,820 Okay, our last option. 595 00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:47,200 The only black person that's allowed to fully be themselves in mainstream media. 596 00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:49,360 Coming soon. 597 00:44:49,620 --> 00:44:51,940 Alison Hammond is James Bond. 598 00:45:04,940 --> 00:45:06,800 Once again, Holly Humberstone. 599 00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:45,460 You feel so alone, alone, alone, alone. 600 00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:50,080 Play it that song, DJ. I just want a straight. 601 00:47:04,750 --> 00:47:05,750 straight 602 00:48:59,500 --> 00:49:04,520 So I said to him, I said, Stuart, I'm not going to that scene for you. It 603 00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:05,520 like shit. 604 00:49:06,900 --> 00:49:07,900 100%, my love. 605 00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,600 Are you sure we should be letting our girls do that? 606 00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:13,420 Mary, the dancing. 607 00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:15,700 Oh, no, not this again. 608 00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:18,280 I know you think it's silly, but the curse. 609 00:49:18,540 --> 00:49:19,640 Oh, come off it, Beth. 610 00:49:19,900 --> 00:49:21,860 You know that curse is a load of bollocks. 611 00:49:22,180 --> 00:49:23,860 Mum, come and be in the dance. 612 00:49:24,380 --> 00:49:26,120 Me? Oh, no. 613 00:49:26,590 --> 00:49:29,970 You don't want my crispy old disgusting arse in your top top. 614 00:49:32,170 --> 00:49:33,250 Be right there. 615 00:49:33,750 --> 00:49:34,750 Don't, Mary! 616 00:49:36,250 --> 00:49:39,210 Come on then. Come on then, move over. 617 00:49:42,350 --> 00:49:43,350 Okay, 618 00:49:43,850 --> 00:49:44,910 mum's still got it. 619 00:49:46,730 --> 00:49:49,950 Oh my God. 620 00:49:50,890 --> 00:49:51,890 Oh God. 621 00:49:52,410 --> 00:49:53,930 Oh Jesus Christ. 622 00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:57,620 Jesus Christ, no. No. No. 623 00:49:58,220 --> 00:50:00,680 It's happening, isn't it? Good God! 624 00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:02,080 What's happening? 625 00:50:02,500 --> 00:50:05,040 Darling, you're going to have to be really brave for mummy. 626 00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:06,600 Mummy's going to be fine. 627 00:50:07,060 --> 00:50:13,460 Mary, Mary, she deserves to know. Listen, girls, your mothers, us, were 628 00:50:13,460 --> 00:50:17,980 by a witch. Evil. She caught us doing pre -marital erotic grinding on boys at 629 00:50:17,980 --> 00:50:20,160 the inaugural Boomtown Festival in 2009. 630 00:50:20,740 --> 00:50:24,020 She said, if we ever popped our pussies again... 631 00:50:24,240 --> 00:50:25,440 We popped them until... 632 00:51:07,370 --> 00:51:08,370 This kind of stuff. 633 00:53:33,610 --> 00:53:34,610 In September!